The Golden Thread: Handling Difficult Communication
Question: How can we relate to the diverse life expressions and personalities of people around us to create more understanding rather than division, especially in situations that are challenging or hold the potential for conflict?
Sophia’s practices:
Intentionality. I set up the conditions for the highest good through my intentions for communication in difficult conversations, whether anticipated or spontaneous. The practice involves trust that there is no right or wrong, no side to take, no natural barrier within the heart. Tune into the flow in the other person, sense the heart beyond their words. Observe your own internal state of being. Always ask for an outcome that is for the highest good for all involved.
Humility: Tell my truth in I language. Take responsibility for my own feelings and not make assumptions about what the other is feeling. When possible, ask the other to help you understand how they are feeling.
Pause to change the energy. If in the conversation one of you is triggered emotionally, asking for a pause or a “break” can change the energy. You can use a pause to take a breath several times as you quietly bless your own feelings and the feelings of the other. If emotions are intense, I place my hand on my heart and breathe slowly in and out, releasing on the outbreath. This can be a turning point in a troubled energy exchange by creating more space to release tension, or to remember our intentions.
Make a conscious choice. Being conscious I have a choice, can be empowering, realizing I don’t want to follow the path of anger, judgment or separation. My intention is to restrain my ego from rushing headlong into a crisis or attempting to be the hero and save the day. I intend to stay calm and make the conscious choice to listen more deeply to the other, to the deeper message and to their heart beyond their words. A conscious tool is to repeat what you hear, and ask for a correction if needed, thus helping the other person to feel you are trying to understand, instead of trying to be “right.”
Allow for a miracle: The heart is the Golden Thread, connecting us to others. In troubling situations, let the heart be the go-to teacher, not the intellect. The heart can provide divine inspiration and joins the mind in creating ideas for resolving a disagreement. There is truth that when spoken with integrity and love, can be heard beyond fear, bias, prejudice, cherished beliefs or unhealed trauma. How can we allow for this miracle to happen ? Practice appreciating your own ability to be present, however imperfect. Appreciate your ability to observe yourself in tough situations, willing to learn how to respond differently in the crunch, when we want love to be the main cause and effect.
Grace: In emotionally laden interactions such as with loved ones, the blessed balm of grace seems to be attracted like a bee to honey by the presence of forgiveness and a letting go into acceptance, “let it be”, trusting “there will be an answer” in the Beatles words. An acceptance of who you are and who they are in this moment, may mean no immediate resolution, other than “we did our best.”
Grace can bring healing. Even if neither of us have changed our minds, we may have changed our hearts. Don’t drop the thread!